It is not a secret that relationships and marriage take time and hard work to maintain. In life there are ups and downs and marriage can be challenging, these days between 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. With those statistics, it's important to learn – What can you do to make a relationship work? How can you overcome struggles together? and, how to be better together?
Shaffer Chimere Smith known by the stage name Ne-Yo is an award-winning star who's married to model Crystal Renay. The couple shared their experiences and struggles regarding love and marriage during Instagram live last week initiated by Mr. Michael Greene, their friend and jeweler. Before quarantine the couple was about to divorce, quarantine "pushed" them towards working on themselves and help them save their marriage.
"I think the most challenging issue for anybody when it comes to being in a marriage is truly understanding that it's not just about you. Meaning, it's not always about what you want, it's not always about your desires." Ne-Yo said
"it's very difficult to compromise" Ne-Yo added and explained that sometimes even when you think that you are right, it's best to compromise to calm the situation down and maybe go back and talk about it when both sides are in a calmer place when they can have a pleasant conversation.
"I've learned patience, I've learned to step out of whatever it is that I'm feeling, and instead of exploding I've learned to be patient, and try to understand where the actions are coming from, where the words are coming from, and where the feeling is coming from. Every action is a reaction to something so now I'm learning to figure out where the root of the issue is, and what I can do better so we don't come to this point ever again." Crystal said when asked what she has learned during the period of quarantine that helped her relationship with Ne-Yo.
People have different beliefs, different habits, and different expectations. Being in a relationship means dealing with a partner with different believes then yours- it could be about money, children, family, work, and anything else. You can find some of your partner's habits as annoying, and not all of them your partner will be willing to change. You will practice with time how to navigate between what you want and what your partner wants, and how to compromise.
7 Tips for a Successful Long Term Relationship:
Those tips are taken from the fascinating research conducted by Ph.D. Ami Sha'ked, Ph.D. Amiram Raviv, and Dr. Daria Maoz- The Art of Romance. This research was made to find out what are the secrets for a successful long term relationship.
Invest in Your Relationship - the more you invest (time, resources, financially and emotionally) the more your commitment to the relationship will increase.
Talk to Your Partner – have a conversation about how you see your future and what your expectations are from each other.
Know When to Compromise - Every relationship requires a degree of waiver of your personal interests. Yet- set yourself clear boundaries of extreme cases in which you prefer to give up the relationship (example: infidelity, mental abuse, physical abuse).
Forever or for Worst – don't rush to break up when times are tough, try to stay together even when others disapprove, and don't use breaking up as a threat.
Show You Care – express it literally, and don't take anything for granted.
During an Argument –try not to blame your partner and talk about how you feel.
Pay Attention to Your Ton of Speaking- sometimes the way you say things mean more than the actual words. If you are yelling or being aggressive, your partner will get offended and irritated and you won't achieve a conversation where you can talk and share your views.
Successful long term romantic relationship plays a key role in the development of well-being and emotional welfare. You can learn from those tips and the insights that Crystal and Ne-Yo shared how to improve your current relationship or your future one to be better together.
Ph.D. Ami Shak'ed, Ph.D. Amiram Raviv, and Dr. Daria Maoz (2019). The Art of Romance.